So me and my bro go to Gamestop and I attempt my mad-haggling skills honed by my time at the great and mighty community Craigslist itself.
Me: How much for a Nintendo DS Lite?
Manager: 129.99.
Me: I’ll give you 110 and not a penny more.
Manager: Well, then you’re not getting a DS.
Me: You’re a tough negotiator. 115, and you throw in mario kart.
Manager: *rolls eyes* Like, I said, you’re not getting a DS for less than 130. 140 something after taxes.
Me: You’re kidding me! EB Games has it for like 120 after taxes.
Manager: We’re the same store!
Me: Since when?!
Manager: Since a year and half ago when EB Games acquired Gamestop!
Me: You’re a tough negotiator. I’ll give you 118, and you can keep the mario kart.
Manager: I’m calling security.
My little brother and I exit promptly. It was not a retreat, but an advance… to the rear.
And a little inspiration for all you non-hagglers:
Life of Brian (1979)
by Graham Chapman & John Cleese & Eric Idle & Terry Gilliam & Terry Jones & Michael Palin.
Brian: How much? Quick! Vendor: What? Brian: It's for the wife. Vendor: Oh, ehm...twenty shekels. Brian: Right. Vendor: What? Brian: There you are. Vendor: Wait a minute! Brian: What? Vendor: Well, we're...we're supposed to haggle! Brian: No, no, no, I've got to get... Vendor: What do you mean, "No, no, no"? Brian: I haven't got time, I've got... Vendor: Well, give it back, then. Brian: No, no, no, I just paid you! Vendor: Burt! Burt: Yeah? Vendor: This bloke won't haggle! Burt: Won't haggle?! Brian: All right, do we have to? Vendor: Now look: I want twenty for that. Brian: Ehm...I just gave you twenty. Vendor: Now are you telling me that's not worth twenty shekels? Brian: No. Vendor: Look at it! Feel the quality, that's not any of you goat! Brian: All right, I'll give you nineteen then. Vendor: No, no, no, come on, do it properly! Brian: What? Vendor: Haggle properly, this isn't worth nineteen! Brian: Well, you just said it was worth twenty! Vendor: Oh dear, oh dear. Come on: haggle! Brian: Uh, all right, I'll give you ten. Vendor: That's more like it! Ten? Are you trying to insult me? Me, with a poor dying grandmother? Ten!? Brian: All right, I'll give you eleven! Vendor: Now you're getting it. Eleven!? Did I hear you right? Eleven? This cost me twelve, you want to ruin me? Brian: Seventeen? Vendor: No, no, no, no, "seventeen"! Brian: Eighteen? Vendor: No, no, no, you've got to fourteen now. Brian: All right, I'll give you fourteen. Vendor: Fourteen!? Are you joking? Brian: That's what you told me to say! Vendor: Oh, dear... Brian: Oh, tell me what to say, please! Vendor: Offer me fourteen. Brian: I'll give you fourteen. Vendor: He's offering me fourteen for this! Brian: Fifteen! Vendor: Seventeen. My last word, I won't take a penny less, or strike me dead. Brian: Sixteen! Vendor: Done! Nice to do business with you. Brian: Mhm. Vendor: Tell you what: I'll throw you in this as well. Brian: I don't want it, but thanks. Vendor: Burt! Burt: Yeah. Brian: All right, all right, all right. Vendor: Now where's the sixteen you owe me? Brian: I just gave you twenty. Vendor: Oh yeah, that's right, that's four I-owe-you, then. Brian: No, that's all right, that's fine, that's fine. Vendor: No, hang on, I've got it here somewhere. Brian: No, it's all right, that's four for the gourd. Vendor: Four? For this gourd? Four!? Look at it! It's worth ten if it's worth a shekel! Brian: You just gave it to me for nothing! Vendor: Yes, but it's worth ten. Brian: All right, all right! Vendor: No, no, no, no, it's not worth ten, you're supposed to argue! "Ten for that, you must be mad!" Oh, well, one born every minute.
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