So me and my bro go to Gamestop and I attempt my mad-haggling skills honed by my time at the great and mighty community Craigslist itself.

Me: How much for a Nintendo DS Lite?

Manager: 129.99.

Me: I’ll give you 110 and not a penny more.

Manager: Well, then you’re not getting a DS.

Me: You’re a tough negotiator. 115, and you throw in mario kart.

Manager: *rolls eyes* Like, I said, you’re not getting a DS for less than 130. 140 something after taxes.

Me: You’re kidding me! EB Games has it for like 120 after taxes.

Manager: We’re the same store!

Me: Since when?!

Manager: Since a year and half ago when EB Games acquired Gamestop!

Me: You’re a tough negotiator. I’ll give you 118, and you can keep the mario kart.

Manager: I’m calling security.

My little brother and I exit promptly. It was not a retreat, but an advance… to the rear.

And a little inspiration for all you non-hagglers:

Life of Brian (1979)

by Graham Chapman & John Cleese & Eric Idle & Terry Gilliam & Terry Jones & Michael Palin.

Brian: How much? Quick!
Vendor: What?
Brian: It’s for the wife.
Vendor: Oh, ehm…twenty shekels.
Brian: Right.
Vendor: What?
Brian: There you are.
Vendor: Wait a minute!
Brian: What?
Vendor: Well, we’re…we’re supposed to haggle!
Brian: No, no, no, I’ve got to get…
Vendor: What do you mean, “No, no, no”?
Brian: I haven’t got time, I’ve got…
Vendor: Well, give it back, then.
Brian: No, no, no, I just paid you!
Vendor: Burt!
Burt: Yeah?
Vendor: This bloke won’t haggle!
Burt: Won’t haggle?!
Brian: All right, do we have to?
Vendor: Now look: I want twenty for that.
Brian: Ehm…I just gave you twenty.
Vendor: Now are you telling me that’s not worth twenty
shekels?
Brian: No.
Vendor: Look at it! Feel the quality, that’s not any of you
goat!
Brian: All right, I’ll give you nineteen then.
Vendor: No, no, no, come on, do it properly!
Brian: What?
Vendor: Haggle properly, this isn’t worth nineteen!
Brian: Well, you just said it was worth twenty!
Vendor: Oh dear, oh dear. Come on: haggle!
Brian: Uh, all right, I’ll give you ten.
Vendor: That’s more like it! Ten? Are you trying to insult
me? Me, with a poor dying grandmother? Ten!?
Brian: All right, I’ll give you eleven!
Vendor: Now you’re getting it. Eleven!? Did I hear you
right? Eleven? This cost me twelve, you want to ruin me?
Brian: Seventeen?
Vendor: No, no, no, no, “seventeen”!
Brian: Eighteen?
Vendor: No, no, no, you’ve got to fourteen now.
Brian: All right, I’ll give you fourteen.
Vendor: Fourteen!? Are you joking?
Brian: That’s what you told me to say!
Vendor: Oh, dear…
Brian: Oh, tell me what to say, please!
Vendor: Offer me fourteen.
Brian: I’ll give you fourteen.
Vendor: He’s offering me fourteen for this!
Brian: Fifteen!
Vendor: Seventeen. My last word, I won’t take a penny less,
or strike me dead.
Brian: Sixteen!
Vendor: Done! Nice to do business with you.
Brian: Mhm.
Vendor: Tell you what: I’ll throw you in this as well.
Brian: I don’t want it, but thanks.
Vendor: Burt!
Burt: Yeah.
Brian: All right, all right, all right.
Vendor: Now where’s the sixteen you owe me?
Brian: I just gave you twenty.
Vendor: Oh yeah, that’s right, that’s four I-owe-you, then.
Brian: No, that’s all right, that’s fine, that’s fine.
Vendor: No, hang on, I’ve got it here somewhere.
Brian: No, it’s all right, that’s four for the gourd.
Vendor: Four? For this gourd? Four!? Look at it! It’s worth
ten if it’s worth a shekel!
Brian: You just gave it to me for nothing!
Vendor: Yes, but it’s worth ten.
Brian: All right, all right!
Vendor: No, no, no, no, it’s not worth ten, you’re supposed
to argue! “Ten for that, you must be mad!” Oh, well, one
born
every minute.

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